VOTE W.G.W.

Robbie Wilson wants you to believe he's "A Neighbor You Can Count On." Sweet slogan. Know who taught him how to be a neighbor? Know who taught him how to count? Wesley G. Wilson.

Wesley is a lifelong resident of wherever he happens to be standing, a self-made pillar of a community that has repeatedly asked him to stop calling it "my community," and the only Wilson brother whose website has a beer can background, which legally speaking is a platform.

Robbie is a river pilot and Town Councilor in Urbanna, Virginia. Wesley respects that. Wesley also once docked a pontoon boat on the FIRST TRY (see Fact #5) and has never voted to raise your taxes, or voted, in Virginia, where he does not live. That's integrity.

1. Taught Robbie everything he knows about being "a neighbor you can count on." Kept the good stuff for himself.
2. Once shucked 400 oysters at the Urbanna Oyster Festival armed with only a car key and self-belief. Was asked to leave, but festively.
3. Has never lost an election. Has never entered one. Statisticians call this "a perfect record." Fully bonded. Fully insured.
4. Has caught a snipe.
5. Parallel parked a pontoon boat on the first try. Three witnesses wept. One saluted.
6. Robbie pilots ships for the Commonwealth of Virginia. Wesley once drove a boat too, and NOBODY has said he can't do it again. Yet.
7. Invented a hot dog seasoning so powerful the recipe is sealed by court order until 2041.
8. Can name all 50 states alphabetically while shotgunning a WGW LITE. Has declined to prove it since 2003 (legal reasons).
9. His yard signs stay up year-round because the HOA is afraid to bring it up.
10. Once beat a metal detector at its own game. The airport disagrees, but history will judge.
11. Grills burgers to an internal temperature known only to himself and NASA.
12. Way Younger Energy™ has been scientifically measured at 340% above the recommended daily amount for a man his age, and 900% above Robbie's.
13. Holds the family records for consecutive cornhole victories (11) and gracious victory speeches (0).
14. Doesn't even live in Urbanna and is STILL polling ahead of Robbie in at least one household (this one).
15. Once fixed an entire town's internet by turning it off and on again. The town was Westminster, Colorado. The internet was his. It still counts.
16. Sends Christmas cards in July "to beat the rush." That, folks, is called VISION.
17. Was told "you can't put a hot tub there." There is now a hot tub there.
18. His handshake has been rated "firm but fair" by three separate youth-league referees, one of whom he had just overruled.
19. Reads the terms and conditions. ALL of them. Out loud. At parties. Nobody invites him to parties anymore, which saves valuable campaign time.
20. Only catches keepers.